What I’m starting with

Here are a few pictures to give you some insight to all the clutter.

Kitchen Stuff

Yes, you see lots of different things here.  Cookbooks, shoes, items destined for charity, recycling, and just crapola.

Cluttered Counters

Vitamins, toys, crayons, medicine, and garlic.  Yeah, these should all go together, right?

The pantry

The pantry includes all sorts of stuff, including unused cat food. Why the hell do I still have cat food? We don’t have a cat!

So that’s a snapshot of the clutter.  Multiply this by at least 10 to encompass the rest of the house.  (Hopefully) successful updates to come.

February 28, 2011. Tags: , , . Aspiring to Minimalism, Getting happy. Leave a comment.

A whirlwind of toys

So it’s been a couple of weeks of happy meds, and I’m feeling better.  Like I can handle my children without losing my temper.  Like I can get up in the wee hours to nurse my son without resenting it.  Like I can be a nicer person to my husband.

But as I said before, the foundation of my problem (oh, it’s a small problem in the grand scheme, I know…but does that mean I just have to live with it?  Nah, I like action) is that I’m just not that happy with the way things are going.  My Couch Potato ways are hindering my well-being.  Therefore, I must get off my tail and mend.

I’ve been brainstorming. What should my next step be?  Laughing Yoga?  A boyfriend named Giuseppe?  A stiff drink?  Well, I already laugh a lot.  I love my husband too much for a boyfriend. And drinking is kind of dangerous with this medicine–one beer is enough.  Anyway, it’s not going to be that easy.  I have to figure out other things I can change on the outside to help me on the inside.

As I look around my house, I know one of the main sources of frustration. Mess. Clutter.  Plastic.  Everywhere.  My living space is filled to the brim with toys.  The bathroom/laundry room is not clean.  The kitchen is disorderly.  I could go on and on.

So this week, I’m committing to cleaning.  And figuring out a way to keep it all straight.  My husband, God bless him, does the dishes most evenings, but he grew up with more clutter than I can handle. He doesn’t see the mess I do.  That makes it my job to make it as I need it to be.

How do I make this manageable?  That’s the challenge.  For the next few days, however, the goal is to reach baseline.  Then I’ll tackle the ongoing needs to clear this house of clutter.  And clear my mind at the same time.

February 28, 2011. Tags: , . Getting happy. 2 comments.

Step one: Acknowledge the problem

Okay, okay. There won’t be 12 steps.  I don’t even know or care what an official program would dictate for me to take toward happiness.  But I do know that  recognizing the issue is pretty important, right?

A couple of weeks ago, Ryan and I had a Come-to-Jesus (ironic, considering how “religious” we are) about, well, me.  My moods were honestly unbearable for all of us.  Most days were ending in tears, I was yelling more than usual, and really, nothing was letting up.  It seemed my postpartum hormones were taking over my life.

So Ryan gave me a way out.

He told me to seek help.

Now, I’ve done the whole therapy thing before.  I know my old demons very well, and I didn’t feel like that kind of help would be…uh…helpful.

So I decided to talk to my OB at my 6 week checkup, which actually happened at 8 weeks.  I shouldn’t say “talk” since what I actually did was cry my eyes out.  She told me that it was okay, to stop being so hard on myself, and that she’d write me a prescription.  For Zoloft.

This little suggestion took me by surprise. Not sure why, since it’s not like she could braid my hair or paint my toenails or make me my favorite cookies to improve my outlook.  And so I asked the most important question I could muster:

Will it make me fat?

She laughed, said no, and also mentioned (as I should have care more about this anyway) that it would be fine even though I’m breastfeeding.  Yes, I should have asked that first.

Anyway, so here I am almost a week into my Zoloft treatment.  Doc said it would take a week to feel better and already I feel better equipped to handle all the chaos of my home.  I am not overreacting, and at the least, I feel calmer.

So is this end of story? To be happy, all I needed was a pill?

NOT A CHANCE.

I don’t want to be numbed into complacency by a drug.  There are nagging issues I really need to address, and they’ll take a looooooong time to deal with. So they come next.  And they’ll hopefully lead me to a place where I don’t need a pill to feel normal.

February 22, 2011. Tags: , . Getting happy, Medical avenues. Leave a comment.

Day one (AKA day 15,452)

Since May 30, 2010, I’ve been a stay-at-home mother to my children. At the time, I had two daughters Katie and Winslow, waiting for the arrival of their brother Drew.  Is this blog to document all of our everyday activities? Nah, I do that somewhere else.  And the world really doesn’t need another dull, SAHM blog.

So I’m hoping to contribute something different.  Which means lots of people have done it before, and I’ve deluded myself into thinking I’m unique.  I don’t care, though. I haven’t seen one like this yet.

What I’m going to tackle is a deeper issue than the daily grind of childcare.  Instead, I’m here to work on ME.

In a nutshell, I’ve been miserable the past 9 months.  Almost every day feels like the one before. Sometimes my husband Ryan is around. The majority he is not.  Some days end in tears, others do not.  But overall, I’m lonely, crabby, and completely under-stimulated.

And it’s all my fault.

So rather than wallow in my silly sorrows, I’m going to face them head on and do something about them.  I don’t have a time frame for when I’ll finally feel better (a year is so…so…blog-turned-movie/book/Oprah interview), but I’ll know when I’m there, hopefully.

And if it gets to where I’m *never* at that happy place, I’m making a drastic change. I’m going back to work.

All that said, my goal is to get off the couch and get well.

February 21, 2011. Tags: , , . Getting happy. Leave a comment.