No doubts

I’ve learned this week that not getting the house in order is OK. I’m still working on it, but just getting *ready* to get things straight is helping my attitude.  Wearing a little makeup.  Having my hair blown straight.  Flossing regularly.  I don’t feel like such a louse even if the baby is demanding to be nursed almost all day.

But what comes next?  I got an email from Career Builder with 10 jobs that I could easily take, although I won’t assume I would easily be offered, so should I go back to work?  Has this whole process been a little too quick and easy?

No. I don’t think so yet.  Not even close.

This month’s Vanity Fair features an article on the Twilight star Robert Pattinson.  He complains a lot about all the press he receives.  Having a beer at a bar in peace is a challenge.  Although he admits to how ridiculous it is to complain about fame, he feels most concerned by the people who claim to know all about him. How is that possible when he doesn’t even know himself?

That got me thinking about whether I know myself very well at all.  What makes me tick?  What bums me out?  I have announced in public that I don’t give a rat’s about what people think about me. That. Is. Bunk.  Though I do feel much more comfortable in my own skin at age 30 than I did at 18, that doesn’t say much considering how outrageously UNcomfortable I was as a teenager and young adult.

So what do I do about this?  I think for now that I’m just going to make a concerted effort to observe my own behavior closely.  When am I most relaxed?  When am I biting my nails like crazy?  And when do I regret my knee-jerk reactions?  My life is not a tragedy, but maybe a little deliberate living will help it become as happy as I’d like.

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March 5, 2011. Tags: , , . Getting happy.

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