A step away from meds

On Wednesday night, Ryan and I went to dinner at the Blue Bird Bistro for their Wednesday Night Table–Four courses with wine for just $40 each!  It was divine.  The restaurant is nationally renowned for farm-to-table deliciousness, and I can say that all the food was spectacular.  The wine?  Tasty.  The company? Wonderful.  We dined with the owner of the restaurant, the hostess, and a baker.

I needed that date night.  It felt good to relax with my husband. But it also felt good to talk about something that brings me great joy–food–and relate to others over a meal.  I wasn’t afraid to just be myself and share.

Of course, I had a leeeetle too much to drink. I’ve become such a lightweight.  I hope my dining partners forgave me, but I think I wasn’t *that* enthusiastic.

Something happened that day, though, that also has lightened the mood around here.  I forgot to take my meds that day. With all the excitement of having grandparents around and getting a date night, it completely slipped my mind.  The next day, I decided to start an experiment. Since I’ve read that cold-turkey abstinence from Zoloft can cause some unpleasant side effects, I figured a half-dose would do.

Just dropping some of the chemical dependency has made me happier.  The side effects I’ve endured–non-stop eye twitching and chronic headaches–aren’t the worst things ever, but I’d prefer not to *need* a daily pill.  We’ll see if I’m successful.

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April 15, 2011. Tags: , . Medical avenues. Leave a comment.

Potpourri

This entry is a bit of a catch-all.  It’s been a busy week for us, and none of it fits neatly into one package.

First, we made an offer on the house.  We received a counter from the bank. We’ve countered their counter.  Now we wait for a response.

Second, we all have colds.  I sound terrible, but I’m not out for the count or anything. Just fatigued.

Did I say I’ve been tired? Fatigued?  Exhausted?  I’ve been wondering if the cold is to blame or if it’s also the Zoloft.  I’ve been tired since I started it. I had initially blamed the fact the baby gets up at 6am most days.  But I’ve also been able to go to bed very early. As early as 9pm. I should not be *this* tired every day.  I’ve read it’s a common side effect and that it might even diminish soon.  i need it to go away or else I’m going off the medication.

Do I want to drop the meds?  Not really.  I feel really good right now.  I’m letting things slide off of me.  I’m more patient.  I am still crazy (in that good crazy kind of way. Yes, there’s such a thing as “good crazy”.), just not psychotically crazy.  So for now, I’m going to put up with side effects.

Unless I start getting fatter, of course. That is where I draw the line.

Anyway, all this brings me to my next (3rd, 4th, or 8th?) point.  We’re still living in a wreck of a house.  But a possible impending move brings hope. My friend is hosting a garage sale, and she offered to put things up for sale if I wish.  I might not wish for that and instead cart things off to charity.  But it’s nice thinking about the great purge.

March 14, 2011. Tags: , , . Getting happy, Medical avenues. Leave a comment.

Step one: Acknowledge the problem

Okay, okay. There won’t be 12 steps.  I don’t even know or care what an official program would dictate for me to take toward happiness.  But I do know that  recognizing the issue is pretty important, right?

A couple of weeks ago, Ryan and I had a Come-to-Jesus (ironic, considering how “religious” we are) about, well, me.  My moods were honestly unbearable for all of us.  Most days were ending in tears, I was yelling more than usual, and really, nothing was letting up.  It seemed my postpartum hormones were taking over my life.

So Ryan gave me a way out.

He told me to seek help.

Now, I’ve done the whole therapy thing before.  I know my old demons very well, and I didn’t feel like that kind of help would be…uh…helpful.

So I decided to talk to my OB at my 6 week checkup, which actually happened at 8 weeks.  I shouldn’t say “talk” since what I actually did was cry my eyes out.  She told me that it was okay, to stop being so hard on myself, and that she’d write me a prescription.  For Zoloft.

This little suggestion took me by surprise. Not sure why, since it’s not like she could braid my hair or paint my toenails or make me my favorite cookies to improve my outlook.  And so I asked the most important question I could muster:

Will it make me fat?

She laughed, said no, and also mentioned (as I should have care more about this anyway) that it would be fine even though I’m breastfeeding.  Yes, I should have asked that first.

Anyway, so here I am almost a week into my Zoloft treatment.  Doc said it would take a week to feel better and already I feel better equipped to handle all the chaos of my home.  I am not overreacting, and at the least, I feel calmer.

So is this end of story? To be happy, all I needed was a pill?

NOT A CHANCE.

I don’t want to be numbed into complacency by a drug.  There are nagging issues I really need to address, and they’ll take a looooooong time to deal with. So they come next.  And they’ll hopefully lead me to a place where I don’t need a pill to feel normal.

February 22, 2011. Tags: , . Getting happy, Medical avenues. Leave a comment.